jokes you should'nt laugh at!

Now Shannon Matthews has been found, she has been awarded the UK hide and seek champion, but how will she fair agianst the European champion

Madaline McCann?

After the yorkshire police force success in the Shannon Matthews case the portugese police have returned to the McCann's hotel room to check under the bed!

ouch

chief inspector michael todd has today been found dead at the bottom of a cliff in snowdonia

...finally proof pigs cant fly






police digging at the jersey childrens home have found michael jackson other glove



cant beleive i just posted that!

OOWW Hoow, that was harsh...
Really though, I have been wondering about that glove.

now some classics

Bill and Ben the tv stars are next to each other in thier flower pots and bill turns to ben and says "Flobber Dobber Dobber"

Ben repiles with "If you loved me you would swallow that!"

Any way james pigs can fly! my sister has been on several planes!

Now for stand up gold

Back in about '97' i saw Phil Jupitus at the comedy club in hemel old town and we all know he is a large chap, so during his set this group of lads heckled him( like to point out not my table) and this chav shouts "why are you so fat?" which stops phil mid gag and turns, looks directly at the chav and says "cause everytime i fcuk your mum i get a chocolate biscuit!"
the chav was shot down and phil carried on as before, when the chav left as people were laughing at him more than phil, Phil shouted "tell your mum i want jammy wagon wheels this week!"

sorry its a classic MJ joke

Why does MJ have a cheesey d1ck?

Cause the kids will do anything for the taste of dairy lee!







"I,ll get me coat"

police found Shannon matthews and upon her release she turns to the officer and says...............have newcastle won yet???

officer replies.............Fcuk off u've only been missing a month!

man sitting next to his wife on a park bench

wife says "u smell nice, what u got on????"

Man replies "i got a hard on! but i didnt know u could smell it!!?"

ha ha

LONELY HEARTS WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN
Adventurous = like anal
Athletic = no tits
Thirtysomething = 41
Fun = annoying
Wild = gets pissed easily
Beautiful eyes = face like a dog
Seeks knight in shining armour = husband f**ked off with a younger model
New age = hairy smelly fanny
Headstrong = argumentative
Enjoys pubbing & clubbing = alcoholic
Curvy = fat c**t
Cuddly = fat c**t
Likes eating out = lazy c**t
Career woman = bitch
Professional = complete bitch
Open minded = dirty bitch
Free spirit = on drugs & f**ked up
Passionate = dying for a s**g
Old fashioned = no bj's
Seeking soul mate = stalker

LOL...mate how come you know all the lingo!!! hehehe...

Haha, there is something almost bitter about that list.

Fricking A*

mmmm the dreaded list.
Theres more truth to that, thn you know! hehehehe

I always will be sitting in the front room, my mum will come in when shes getting ready to go out and ask that same old question:

Does this dress make me look fat?

My Reply:

Nah, your fat does!

Always makes my bro laugh!

Mum if your reading this....Please let me back home!!!